Not Like This

sometimes i wish i could love you
not like this, no
i wish i were allowed to
i wish i was better
at keeping myself together
not like this, no
i wish i was enough
to keep you around
i was always content, you know
never wished for anything
never hoped
never even dreamed
for it to go this far
but then it did
just when i thought
i was over it

who am i to deny
this isn’t
familiar territory?
who am i to decide
this isn’t
what’s meant for me
my so-called destiny
who even
are the fabricators
of this story?
and who exactly are they
to deny me
you?

someday
i’ll be brave enough to want you
this time for myself
not for anyone else
and i promise you
i’m gonna be selfish
someday
some place,
maybe in some other life
someday
we’ll be alright,
just not this time, no
not tonight

-m.d.

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One thought on “Not Like This

  1. Sometime in our lives some love must fall. You are dear to me and i wish that the right person who is willing to build a home where a fish can be a friend, where the sound of waves is constant, where you can write your poems shall be there to remind you how beautiful you are as a person.

    Liked by 1 person

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