Conquered

let’s be together, shall we?
so you can shove all of you
into what’s left of me
bet you’d want that
fuck me up
and hold me captive
tie me up
if you’re feeling romantic
bet you didn’t know that
i’m up for it
it’s almost attractive
that you think you’re the
only
psychoanalytic
in this room

chemicals
in my bloodstream
they’re beating
against the current
it’s almost heroic
that you’re cutting me open
letting me loose
taking me far away
but what’s the use?
you’ll leave me all filled with ardor
with all the strength you could muster
truth is the only time you’re gentle
is when you walk away
maybe if i grip you tighter, you’ll stay
maybe if i let you wander, you’ll say
“I came, i saw, and i’m choosing you”
you’d have conquered me too

✍🏻2-24-17

Swipe Right (Reprise)

it’s a shame—
we figure each other out
knitting threads
of dirty jokes
a chest full of demons
some dubious ambitions
diamonds worth
of coping with vices
of childhood fears
of anti-religion
of anti-everything—
raw
emotion
struggling to get past our walls
it’s left us crippled
we figure
we’re not that mighty
after all

we were
each other’s
idea of temporary
you think,
“no one can be that crazy”
but we yearned—
a lust for company
because in truth
we’re tired of waking up
in tears,
admitting we’re lonely
-m.d.
✍🏻11.15.16

Not Like This

sometimes i wish i could love you
not like this, no
i wish i were allowed to
i wish i was better
at keeping myself together
not like this, no
i wish i was enough
to keep you around
i was always content, you know
never wished for anything
never hoped
never even dreamed
for it to go this far
but then it did
just when i thought
i was over it

who am i to deny
this isn’t
familiar territory?
who am i to decide
this isn’t
what’s meant for me
my so-called destiny
who even
are the fabricators
of this story?
and who exactly are they
to deny me
you?

someday
i’ll be brave enough to want you
this time for myself
not for anyone else
and i promise you
i’m gonna be selfish
someday
some place,
maybe in some other life
someday
we’ll be alright,
just not this time, no
not tonight

-m.d.

#22

Roll the dice, let go
empathize, let your fears show you the way
or be hypnotized by a dented ego,
set to overthrow
your own soul–
what once was pure and brimming with clarity
is now silent,
festered with uncertainty
an atrocity
led by treats and trickery
behold, you’re persuaded;
vessel, invaded;
morality, sedated;
you hibernate,
and you dream–
you’re not awake just yet.

There’s always a lack of
and never too much
intending to move further,
wanting to draw me closer
without so much as a gesture,
a look, or a touch
you’re in crutches, paralyzed
demanding just about anything
to shield your eyes
from the blinding flashes
of what the future holds
infinite worlds
spring from your inability
to roll the dice and let go.
©

Broken Bad Habit II

that it’s better to shower alone
that the small of my back wasn’t as hard to reach
if only i could pretend
that whatever it was,
it was restricting,
i could barely breathe
if i could make-believe
that leaving was easy
that goodbyes were temporary
that we were nothing short of ordinary
i’m sorry
that this is anything but subtle
if only i could pretend
that a poem doesn’t need a sequel
that i don’t miss the thrill of sidewalk adventures
you and me against the police
that it wasn’t bliss
when our souls got lost in the universe that night
high, on top of some high rise tower
if only 26 was just a number

a bad habit,
something like morphine
shit, just one more goddamn hit
how does one win against
a bad habit,
some psychedelic
like making out when you’re sick
you risk it and once more
a bad habit,
like smoking some stale bitch stick
if only i could pretend
that i want none of it

that you were just one more bad habit
you were just another
broken
bad
habit

©

Tonight

don’t let it get to you—
this world and all its temporary bullshit
don’t let it gobble you up
and just spit you right out
like it did yesterday
and the day before that
you know how they say it’s all a game?
well, don’t pretend you’re not tired of playing
don’t pretend you’re not tired of waiting
to be dealt better cards
don’t fool yourself any longer
cause tonight we are conquerors—
slightly benevolent and all-accepting
with nothing more to covet
we’re far from heroes
if not the complete opposite
but maybe life’s really just a set of concepts
tailored with a certain sophistication
meticulously envisioned with all its quirks and intricacies
all its flaws and fallacies
the good, the bad, and the jarring atrocities

tonight, we are creators
where are we headed
if not towards the ends of the earth
the birth of entire galaxies, we will witness
the branching out of infinities
all of life’s ephemeral debris
cast aside
not a trace of impermanence survives
in this vivid universe
set ablaze with actual breathing stars
there’s no space to feed wars
multiple moons, multiple earths
population: society’s favorite outcasts
what about multiple cerulean suns
that burn blemishes of lives past
no more of those scorching yellow rays
stellar awakenings in place of blinding mornings
utopia, ruled not by kings
but by a single cosmic truth
bringing forth genuine happiness and above all, peace

tonight, we take the shot
and dream all this into reality
till we’re finally at ease
-m.d.

✍🏻Sept. 2, 2016