i should’ve just left it there
should’ve just backed off,
walked away,
shut the damn door
and just left it there
rapidly losing ground,
i breathe in
your scent fills the air
i never should’ve gone there
now i stink of despair

in a mental pursuit of control
i know it’s all in my head
why can’t i let go?
why can’t i shake it?
my love, this is all your fault
i die every second
between every breath,
this is all your fault
you should’ve just kept to yourself
you should’ve just left me there


Pillow Talk

i’m not one to demand what i think i deserve
i’m sorry
not the love i’ve been giving
certainly not some peace offering
from a past i’m still running away from
not from you,
nor from the world
not now,
nor ever
you want to hurt me?
my love, you’re gonna have to try harder
this should be fair warning
i’m resilient
not flinching
even as you pull the trigger

regardless of,
and in spite of everything,
whatever you’ve got there
let me have it
whatever kindness
whatever pain
whatever strange promise you dare commit
let me hear all of it
maybe over some beer
actions reciprocated
you learn to breathe once you’re used to suffocating
you see, my heart no longer aches
it has grown cold,
so cold that there’s nothing this body can’t take
this is some strange pillow talk i know
i won’t let go
but if you need me out
let me tell you
neither will i stay


grab a beer with me
let’s drink till the rest of the world turns into one big fat blur
till the straight lines become crooked
till our differences don’t bother us anymore
disappear with me
let’s dim the lights,
melt into the night
why don’t we?
a different perspective
maybe then we’ll finally see things more clearly


Once More

once more the sun disappears
yet his words still linger
took me a while to decipher
these tiny fractions of code—
each of them, once part of a whole
how long till they dissipate into cold space?
and how long till I recreate the same fate?
still with his name,
still his face

once more the sun disappears
the stars will once again come out
i’ll try to map him out like a constellation
cause i can’t reduce him to fiction
at least not yet
you could say i’m fixated
but it’s hard to deny
friction never took place
while we were floating freely
into cold space


a simple girl
i was led to believe
that there’s always more to life than what it seems
and i got to be patient
there’s got to be more to it than this—
at the edge of it all, towards oblivion
trying to smoke a spliff without choking
i’m staring at the world
and it stares right back at me with pretension
am i insecure?
sure, i admit that i’m lacking
but there’s got to be more to life than just running
jumping hurdles in order to reach a certain zenith
cause right now i need to stop and catch my breath
at the edge of it all, fixated on taking a break
and it’s starting to get depressing

that’s the difference
between you and me
juxtaposed and it’s quite the dichotomy
i have my recklessness
you have your resilience
but tell me how does one stay adamant at a time like this?
at this point, i can’t even remain serene
point me towards a different direction
cause i’m tired of being seen
of being the focus of insinuating glances
i’m tired of seeming all put-together
with a lenient disposition, whatever
when the truth is i’m bursting at the seams
this whole being “relentless” crap was never my cup of tea
this is my catharsis, my apogee


Broken Bad Habit

and so it went
two letters encoded
and it became apparent
that all good things must come to an end,
though it may have seemed
depressingly inconceivable back then

if only i could pretend
that whatever it was,
it lacked substance
that 26 was just a number
and not a floor in some high rise tower
that in this world, labels didn’t matter
that in this life, words were not as powerful
and that soundcloud was never enough to fuel lust
if only i could pretend
for just one second
that love never caught up with us

a bad habit, some sort of opium
disguised as a saving grace
how does one escape
a bad habit, like something illicit
like the ones we used to take

i had clung to your embraces
for as long as i could
i had prayed for more lazy days
as hard as i should
and i know i shouldn’t have said “ok”
i know i shouldn’t have said okay
but i went and did it anyway