Broken Bad Habit II

that it’s better to shower alone
that the small of my back wasn’t as hard to reach
if only i could pretend
that whatever it was,
it was restricting,
i could barely breathe
if i could make-believe
that leaving was easy
that goodbyes were temporary
that we were nothing short of ordinary
i’m sorry
that this is anything but subtle
if only i could pretend
that a poem doesn’t need a sequel
that i don’t miss the thrill of sidewalk adventures
you and me against the police
that it wasn’t bliss
when our souls got lost in the universe that night
high, on top of some high rise tower
if only 26 was just a number

a bad habit,
something like morphine
shit, just one more goddamn hit
how does one win against
a bad habit,
some psychedelic
like making out when you’re sick
you risk it and once more
a bad habit,
like smoking some stale bitch stick
if only i could pretend
that i want none of it

that you were just one more bad habit
you were just another
broken
bad
habit

©

Tonight

don’t let it get to you—
this world and all its temporary bullshit
don’t let it gobble you up
and just spit you right out
like it did yesterday
and the day before that
you know how they say it’s all a game?
well, don’t pretend you’re not tired of playing
don’t pretend you’re not tired of waiting
to be dealt better cards
don’t fool yourself any longer
cause tonight we are conquerors—
slightly benevolent and all-accepting
with nothing more to covet
we’re far from heroes
if not the complete opposite
but maybe life’s really just a set of concepts
tailored with a certain sophistication
meticulously envisioned with all its quirks and intricacies
all its flaws and fallacies
the good, the bad, and the jarring atrocities

tonight, we are creators
where are we headed
if not towards the ends of the earth
the birth of entire galaxies, we will witness
the branching out of infinities
all of life’s ephemeral debris
cast aside
not a trace of impermanence survives
in this vivid universe
set ablaze with actual breathing stars
there’s no space to feed wars
multiple moons, multiple earths
population: society’s favorite outcasts
what about multiple cerulean suns
that burn blemishes of lives past
no more of those scorching yellow rays
stellar awakenings in place of blinding mornings
utopia, ruled not by kings
but by a single cosmic truth
bringing forth genuine happiness and above all, peace

tonight, we take the shot
and dream all this into reality
till we’re finally at ease
-m.d.

✍🏻Sept. 2, 2016

Left

i should’ve just left it there
should’ve just backed off,
walked away,
shut the damn door
and just left it there
rapidly losing ground,
i breathe in
your scent fills the air
i never should’ve gone there
now i stink of despair

in a mental pursuit of control
i know it’s all in my head
why can’t i let go?
why can’t i shake it?
my love, this is all your fault
i die every second
between every breath,
this is all your fault
you should’ve just kept to yourself
you should’ve just left me there
-m.d.
10-24-16

#alcoholrhymes

grab a beer with me
let’s drink till the rest of the world turns into one big fat blur
till the straight lines become crooked
till our differences don’t bother us anymore
disappear with me
let’s dim the lights,
melt into the night
why don’t we?
a different perspective
maybe then we’ll finally see things more clearly
-m.d.

✍🏻10-26-16

Once More

once more the sun disappears
yet his words still linger
took me a while to decipher
these tiny fractions of code—
fragments—
each of them, once part of a whole
how long till they dissipate into cold space?
and how long till I recreate the same fate?
still with his name,
still his face

once more the sun disappears
the stars will once again come out
i’ll try to map him out like a constellation
cause i can’t reduce him to fiction
at least not yet
you could say i’m fixated
but it’s hard to deny
friction never took place
while we were floating freely
into cold space

#28

a simple girl
i was led to believe
that there’s always more to life than what it seems
and i got to be patient
there’s got to be more to it than this—
at the edge of it all, towards oblivion
trying to smoke a spliff without choking
i’m staring at the world
and it stares right back at me with pretension
am i insecure?
sure, i admit that i’m lacking
but there’s got to be more to life than just running
jumping hurdles in order to reach a certain zenith
cause right now i need to stop and catch my breath
at the edge of it all, fixated on taking a break
and it’s starting to get depressing

that’s the difference
between you and me
juxtaposed and it’s quite the dichotomy
i have my recklessness
you have your resilience
but tell me how does one stay adamant at a time like this?
at this point, i can’t even remain serene
point me towards a different direction
cause i’m tired of being seen
of being the focus of insinuating glances
i’m tired of seeming all put-together
with a lenient disposition, whatever
when the truth is i’m bursting at the seams
this whole being “relentless” crap was never my cup of tea
this is my catharsis, my apogee

✍🏻8-23-16

Broken Bad Habit

and so it went
two letters encoded
and it became apparent
that all good things must come to an end,
though it may have seemed
depressingly inconceivable back then

if only i could pretend
that whatever it was,
it lacked substance
that 26 was just a number
and not a floor in some high rise tower
that in this world, labels didn’t matter
that in this life, words were not as powerful
and that soundcloud was never enough to fuel lust
if only i could pretend
for just one second
that love never caught up with us

a bad habit, some sort of opium
disguised as a saving grace
how does one escape
a bad habit, like something illicit
like the ones we used to take

i had clung to your embraces
for as long as i could
i had prayed for more lazy days
as hard as i should
and i know i shouldn’t have said “ok”
i know i shouldn’t have said okay
but i went and did it anyway

#25

i woke up today
in love and in pain
—reeling from
a dream that lasted too long
now it’s embedded
at least until something better comes along
truth is there’d already been some
that warranted my attention
but lo and behold
you found solace
within my subconscious
like it’s not enough
that you pay conjugal visits
every so often
in the recesses
of my already messed up mind

i’m sorry, cupid,
but were you high
when you shot me?
what about him?
did he prance too quickly
and you couldn’t keep up?
is that it?
frankly, it doesn’t look like there’s more to it
not even an inkling
of what’s gonna happen next
there’s no use hoping, i guess